Meeting of the Brilliant Stud Club

Without a bunch of mouthy bitches around to cut them down, a group of like-minded men are free to call themselves whatever they wish.

Aint Nuthin' But a Thang

I live in a war-torn country man. I'm not talking a brief period of conflict, I'm talking heavy fire every day of my life. I've read about picnics and days at the beach; relaxation in a state of true peace and calm. But, this is my moment of peace, when the rebels are drunk and momentarily out of ammunition.

American Gothic - First Draft

Grant Wood mocked up several scenarios before settling on the Farmer and his wife for his famous painting "American Gothic". The above was an early favorite, posed for by his family. Unfortunately the kids split the vote and his wife was supposed to be the tie breaker.

Wicked Witch of the East Side

A great tornado raged through the city, tossing everything asunder and causing huge amounts of property damage. Here, Toto sits atop a house woman who's crushed herself under her own weight, freeing the munchkins.

Seeing Eye Whore

Helper dogs are in short supply. It takes years and dedicated volunteers to train them, and they typically go to those most in need. So Gladys Washington had to settle for a prostitute on work-release to help her navigate the city.

...It Ends In A Draw

The crowd was reassured when the hero Power Ranger sprung onto the train to combat the villain. They clashed with wicked fucking sick ninja moves for several stops, neither gaining an advantage. Then the villain ripped off his pants to reveal a horribly hairy ass. The Power Ranger made a final strike with all of his strength, and the two perished simultaneously.
Power Ranger = Ass

Father's Art

The ideal lifestyle of an artist is living alone in squalor with only addiction and pain as motivation. For when an artist strays into a middle class family dynamic, then the children suffer.

Decadence Goes Awry

Stacy and Kristie had been living in luxury. "Cosmos in bed!" cried Stacy, to their mutual delight. Several hours later the pleasure of watching romantic comedies with her BFF in a sea of cozy down, turned ghastly. And she was just about to make her lesbo move too.

Didn't Need it Anyway

Men don't need nipples.
"Oh fuck no, they don't!"
So as we artistically enhance our bodies, we might as well nip those vestigial organs right off.
"Makin' my shit neat!"

Unfinished Business

If I had a jar of brown paint, and the guts to follow through with it, I'd paint a turd dropping out of her ass. How come everyone's afraid of public displays of scat?

Much Love to Mormonism

It may be twice the bitchin', but it's also twice the bitches. If it were just one, we'd fight and pick on each other. But with two of them, they compete with each other and I get to skate clean! Much love Brigham Young, my multi-bitch pioneering motha' fucka!

Too Fat for Pornography

When a woman is unable to put her vagina on display for sexual invitation, she's lost herself. Prior to that moment, the debate over a woman's body and its objectification rages. But once you've lost the ability to show me your pussy, you don't even own it.

Box of Dignity

In comparison to conditions in the 3rd world, the American worker can't complain. But dammit, this is a wide and free country where people should roam as pioneers - proud, self-reliant individuals. Their dignity long destroyed by their career choice, these two are boxed up for the nightly trash dump.

The Light of the Aryan Nation

These candles shall burn perfectly clean, without soot or ash, demonstrative of the purity of the white race.
"Why are my feet in the wax again?"
It's cause were combining... cause we need to show, ugh... they just ARE Megan!

Picture Perfect Children

Since his wife took the kids when she moved to Sacramento, Luis procured near identical models to support his vacation photographs. Little did he know an errant lighting bolt would bring them to life with maniacal blood lust.

Shopping Without a List

"Okay, I needed green beans, coffee, and oranges... I've got those. I know there was something else I needed that I was completely out of... Damn, I should have brought my list."

Don't Follow Neil Young's Advice Just Yet

Impatient to fulfill his life-long dream of "rockin' in a free world", Syed Al Hussein began to shred his acoustic the minute he saw the army begin to retreat from the rebel attack on the palace.

Ulterior Motives

Raquel would laugh when she told people that Tony just loved her for her tits. However she never knew how right she was, for Tony, strapped for cash, really did just want to steal her tits for his own trans-journey to Antoinette.

Undocumented Bladder Failure

Party pictures are taken to capture moments of fun for an eternity. But binge drinking is for instant gratification and living in the moment, and all the things that happen with it are meant to be forgotten by dawn. No one wants picture proof of why their clothes smell like pee.

Bottom of the Jug

Get every last drop young lad, for you don't know where your next meal might come from. The ability to put clothes on ones back goes hand in hand with putting a meal on the table.

It's Functional and Smells Delicious - Win Win

When Deron broke the glass shade of her favorite lamp, Gertie was livid. But what at first was a temporary solution soon proved to be a twist of fortune, as the heated bucket filled the house with the scent of fried chicken, masking her body odor problems.

Define Your Success As Yourself

One man can't determine another's success, as it is the achievement of one's own goals in a manner of the individual's choosing. Applying your definition of success on another is unfair. Perhaps he wanted to be homeless and smell like pee, perhaps he wanted his wife to divorce him and take his children, house and dignity. Unless you sit in that man's chair, and pose like he wanted to pose, you can't judge his success.

Dinner for One

The three best friends sat down to their monthly dinner together. Dale then made a wisecrack about Everett's shirt. Everett, responded by insulting Rick's dog. Then while Dale laughed, Everett stabbed him in the throat with a straw, and then smashed Rick's head against the table. This marked the tragic end to a long tradition.

This Sausage is Greasy

I'm making my man a delicious breakfast for dinner. It's fun, spontaneous, and sexy. Soon we'll be feeding each other fluffy pancakes, dipped in maple syrup. Our eggs will be perfectly flipped over easy, and this sausage.... this sausage will force us to sit in silence while we savor it in our mouths. But I aint gettin no grease on my blouse!

Go Ahead, We Dare You

Ooohh oooh, you're going to cut your wrist? Go ahead and do it. The only thing that's going to gush out is gravy with maybe some chunks of turkey.

Bioniclesexual

The popular Lego series "Bionicle" is a favorite of ten year old boys who enjoy assembling the gnarly creatures and then using them in imaginary action combat. On the other side of the equation, ten year old boys are a favorite of sexual predators.

Road Hogs

"Hey honey, look at that big ass cow way up there."
"That's crazy, how'd they get something so big up so high?"
"Shit, we used a winch."

Perfect Alibi

When the kerosene tank exploded it destroyed the family farm, transforming a financial liability on the brink of foreclosure into a huge insurance pay out. Luckily no one was hurt, because Esther Krabb was out in the field tending to the the squash... conveniently.

Aesop's Bastards - Motorcycle Club

Having failed to learn his lesson from the footrace with the Tortoise, the Hare showboats moments before losing control and coming in second to an Amish man in a horse drawn buggy.
"Ye should have minded your work English. Modesty is a victory unto itself."

Confection Complexion

Colorful sprinkle toppings are great when you imagine your tasty dessert's perfect finishing touch. But they get everywhere and they don't really add any flavor. In then end you'd rather just have a naked scoop of ice cream sitting atop a sugar cone for your tongue to lick without interference. The same goes for women, nothing should interfere with your tongue licking them.

Hungry for Competition

Thousands of hours of training led up to this moment, and tens of thousands of sausage links were eaten during breaks, before and after practice, and during moments of frustration. After this, Sparkles is going to retool her Sausage Fest jump rope routine for the more heart-healthy String Bean carnival.

Ice Peacocks

Men will do anything to gain attention. Since humans aren't blessed with physical traits fit for flaunting, they must use their imagination and ingenuity to devise attention grabbing stunts. Though often in the quest to be noticed, the next steps are neglected. If these guys meet women, their dicks will be like frozen chicken nuggets.

Telephone Accessories

If only blue tooth enabled devices came with cords, then maybe people who used them would choke to death now and then.

Misplaced Health Benefits

My face has a reduced risk of heart disease, and it's part of a healthy breakfast. However, there's a matchbox car in my mouth that might choke me.

He Thought They Were Villains, Until...

An intergalactic superhero must fight alien species without question, without a moment of hesitation to wonder about the nature of the beings- their motivations, their passions. So Capt. Galactic was horrified while the second to last Phlegmaranian massaged his prostate as a gift of interspecies sexuality, despite the horrible slaughter of his race at the hand of the Cpt's photon cannon.

Who Needs Therapy?

A person needs a chance to unload the painful thoughts and emotions that they carry day in and out. Some people will compound their problems by paying good money to a barely competent stranger for therapy sessions. Other people spend 6 euros on a litre of low quality wine. Neither route offers true support and compassion.

A Moment of Bliss

A few minutes ago she was nagging on and on about Huang's job, his friends, and the generally poor outlook for his future. In a few hours she'll start rotting and bloating due to her advancing state of decomposition. Can you blame him for catching a snapshot of bliss?

Futile Family Planning Methods

"Goddamn, if this don't work I don't know what we're gonna do."
"You know they have clinics with doctors who could remedy this... situation."
"Shut yer mouth right now, that aint Christian!"

A Sexless Horde of Women

Female sports teams are a bizarre phenomenon. Lots of fit, young, women moving and sweating, running into each other and acting out what should be a torrid sex fantasy come to life. Yet sex is the furthest thing from their minds, and watching them fails to be a turn on. I think women just look dumb in sneakers.

Zombie Cookbook: Recipe #23

Nothing takes brains to the next level like coconut milk. Pour a cup atop a slutty blonde and devour immediately.

Love Puddle

Sensuality should ooze from a woman's naked body, to fill the room with a palpable sexual atmosphere. But the classic lusty recline pose should not literally ooze.

What's More Delicate?

A fragile bubble blown far beyond reasonable volume?
A beautiful butterfly with whisper thin wings decorated with intricate designs of colorful powder?
The U.S. government's dedication to serving the best interests of the American people?
Don't sneeze or they're all lost.

Marriage Down the Tube

Despite their inability to be in the same room with each other without getting into shouting matches, Paige and Rick got married anyhow. They still have their differences, but at least now Paige can shut off the set and screw Rick's brother in peace.

Castaway Fisherman

Clay LeRoi had been enjoying a nice day of gulf coast fishing with his friends when the log he was casting from was pulled out by the tide. Here pictured three weeks later riding Gulf Stream currents, his only question is, "How come no one aint called my daddy yet?"

The Emergent Harvest Butthole

While the farmers are busy harvesting their crops and the women are preparing stores of food for winter, the children are left to suffer. The summer quickly disappears while they spend the last nice days kicking off a new school year. They're stuck on the brink of a stretch of childhood misery, they're riding the emergent tip of a life movement.

Worlds Apart

There may only be a foot between them, but Xavier is a thousand miles away from the prudish sensibilities of his mother and his Gammy. Miss matched socks and sneakers on Sunday are his life now, and they can't fucking handle it.

Tasmanian Devil Child

Moments before the picture was taken, baby Joey ripped his three piece suit to shreds with his fangs and razor sharp claws. Moments after the picture he did the same to his brothers.

The Natives are Sexless

The indigenous persons will soon revolt and lop off the large head of Admiral Westcock. Their gratitude for the Christianity and shame that he brought to their island paradise will soon give way to anger for his not bringing any new chicks.

Framton Cums Alive

Personally I think it's more appropriate to name one's penis after a sensuous soul singer who can set the mood for love making. For instance I've got little Barry White because he likes to go deep. But maybe talking guitars help this couple have a good time, good time, good time, good time, good time.

Reproduction by Budding

All of the science around the experiment has been refuted and cast into the darkest corners of genetic research, but Sophia Masters and her identical twin daughter Sophia Masters, are living proof that asexual human reproduction is possible.